8 For a proportion of the world MY 'pastures new' is THEIR 'elephant's graveyard'

This is the point when I start to wonder if this GaySocrates thing is going to be worthwhile or not! I'm kinda pulled in two directions. One is the direction of carrying on writing- expecting there to be an audience out there for what an older, maybe wiser, man makes of the world right now. Bearing in mind that I'm missing contact with older men myself and I'm trying to find ways to rustle up a bit of contact one way or another. I'm convinced that an older gay person, out there somewhere,would be really helpful to me! On the other hand, I'm undermined  maybe by my internalized homophobia, low self esteem and internalized ageism, by thoughts that I won't have anything useful to say to a younger generation. Things have changed so rapidly in recent years that any experience I might have to offer has lost it's relevance. I'm just an old dinosaur waiting for it's extinction! So to keep going on about what it's like for an older gay man is just embarrassing, irrelevant and unnecessary!!

I'm reminded of the extent to which I've been seen as old and irrelevant in the past, how surprising it was at first, and how it subsequently angered me. I then needed to come to terms with how my aging appearance dictated who would or would not find me relevant and/ or attractive. And so there followed lots of bargaining and negotiating with myself over where it could be legitimate to hang out and how long for. Like for instance: not a great idea to hang around saunas packed with young muscled guys- they are just going to ignore you and make you feel shit! But then it's figuring out what to do and where to go so it doesn't look like you've just 'thrown in the towel' socially. The past few years have been a bit difficult for that kind of negotiation because my two best friends were younger than me- one guy in his late thirties and the other in his late twenties- so the kind of places they've been wanting to hang around in [although I've been up for it because I had an overprotected adolescence and young adulthood] didn't serve me particularly well. Hanging around clubs and pubs getting drunk into the early hours of the morning hasn't, on reflection, been the best way to spend my time in the years leading up to my half century!

But that's all changed now because my young friends have moved on. One up to London and the other to the other side of the world in Argentina. So, I've been 'best friendless'  for a good few months now and I'm able to reflect on what's best for me and, more importantly, do I want to stick with what's not been best for me? Am I ready to move onto 'pastures new'? Am I prepared to accept that

for a proportion of the world my 'pastures new' is their 'elephant's graveyard'

Trouble is I'm still not exactly sure where these 'pastures new' actually are! There's a group in Brighton known as GEMS [Gay Elderly Men's Society] but that's run by Age Concern and I think it's mainly for the over 60's. I think I'd be out of place there- maybe even considered geriatric jail bait!! Maybe it's all gone virtual when I wasn't looking so it might be more about getting a Gaydar profile which is more about talking and friendship. That might be worth a spin!

So, What's the message in all of this?

To the elders my message is: Try to find ways of growing old with grace and remember the wise words of the great psychologist Carl Jung 'We cannot live the evening of life according to the programme of the morning'! Don't try and be a silk purse if people are looking on you as a sow's ear. But also recognize that mutton can be as tasty to some as a lamb's chop.

To the young my message is: Please don't let your disgust towards the creepy old letch in the sauna spill over in your attitude towards older gay men in general. There may be elements in the old dogs' life to be learned from!