Saturday 14 March 2009

Gay Wisdom-Handed Down the Generations-From Gaysocrates


Ok! So Brighton's very own Gay Community Listings Magazine-GSCENE - has kindly agreed to publish my musings as a monthly column!!

Many Thanks to the editor James Ledward

This is a sneak preview which will be published in the MAY edition...

 When my partner caught me googling “Gay Wisdom” he said “Isn’t gay wisdom stuff like NEVER WEAR CRIMPLENE TO A WEDDING?”

Hmm! Not sure entirely why, but about six months ago I started to crave something spiritual which wasn’t religious. I wondered if it would be possible to find an individual, or group who could help me ‘tend to the needs of my soul’. Now I’ve had some interesting debates with friends about whether there is a difference between mind and soul, and that’s for future columns, so if you can, just bear with me. I don’t mean soul in a conventional religious sense-whatever a turn-off that might mean to you. I mean soul in the sense of ‘who you truly are’ stripped of the expectations you have of yourself.

As the years go by and I grow longer in the tooth I’m increasingly aware of how difficult it can be to stay focused on being your true self. From birth most people are saddled with the hopes, dreams, expectations and vicarious aspirations of parental figures. Then come the rules and social expectations of school and friends. Most gay children will also have experienced the discomfort of growing up in the context of a homophobic religious belief system. Add to that the powerful messages bombarding us as adults from the media about what we should and shouldn’t be and do, the influence of friends and the expectations occurring within more intimate relationships and it’s not surprising that ‘who you truly are’ gets lost, confused, confounded and frustrated.

So I started to hunger for some guidance on how best to remain faithful to my true self!

I then became acutely aware that I was the oldest gay person I knew. There were no straightforward ways in my life to befriend any older gay guys who might be a source of that advice and guidance. At the same time I was beginning to feel more and more alienated from younger gay men who seemed to be coming from another world from me in terms of their attitudes and ideas. It was as if I existed in this hermetically sealed generation pod with little chance to connect meaningfully with gay men from younger or older generations and it didn’t seem right!

It seems that the scope for the giving and receiving of trans-generational advice within the gay community has become fairly limited for lots of reasons.

Sweeping legal changes and newly acquired relative equality before the law drives a chasm of difference between young and old. Media youth adulation reinforces a culture of ageism. The ‘internetification’ of social networking means that young and old will only cross paths if an old guy subtracts 15-20 years off his gaydar profile!

So in the absence of a forum I began to blog (check it out at tinyurl.com/gaywisdom)

Where are the Gay Sages of Brighton? Please speak to me!

And to Gay Youth I ask, “What do you need of your elders?”

Contact me at

Email me! 

6 comments:

  1. Hey, I connect with you when you say you were seeking something spiritual without being religious. I went through a religious phase when I was in college, and, although I'm now an atheist, the one thing I missed was the "fellowship" inherent in any shared religious practice. (I wrote a whole blog on this subject: http://brokenwholeblog.blogspot.com/2006/11/ritual.html). So when you say "I wondered if it would be possible to find an individual, or group who could help me ‘tend to the needs of my soul’.", that spoke to me.

    Very happy to have come across your blog (or rather that you came across mine!)

    Keith

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  2. I'm rereading a book, Gay Spirituality, by Toby Johnson, a 63 year old man. He's gay, a former christian monk, a psychotherapist, friend and student of Joseph Campbell.

    I went on his website which at first seemed very "new age"-like. You should both check it out. I strongly recommend the book.

    "Philosophically, religiously, all people are being called upon to achieve the perspective on the meaning of life that homosexuals are forced into willy-nilly by not fitting into traditional models. In that sense, modern-day homosexuals are living at the edge of history, and some are helping humanity into the future by setting styles, challenging outmoded cultural assumptions, demonstrating adaptive lifestyles, and participating in a new approach to spirituality--that is to say, by helping devise a new myth."

    Basically, he's saying that being gay has its advantages in spiritual matters. Very thought provoking book!

    Take care.

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  3. Hey Anonymous
    Thanks for your comment to us both!
    I've passed the recommendation to Keith.
    I've been aware of Toby through his work with White Crane but hadn't got round to ordering his book yet- You've given me a good reason to get on and do it now-Thanks
    Love!

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  4. I forwarded Anonymous' posting to Keith saying
    Hey Keith
    Hope you're well
    FYI
    An anonymous comment to my blog and your comment was just posted

    SEE ABOVE

    Wondered if you might consider it as an alternative to your usual astrophysics reading material
    :-)
    Love

    His reply:-

    Hey GaySoc

    I don’t ONLY read astrophysics you know. Although I’m reading one now J I am interested in reading about spirituality, but I’m very picky, and from the reviews on Amazon.com I’m not sure this one’s for me, but thanks very much for the tip. I somewhat agree with his basic premise however.
    Hope things are well, and thanks for writing!
    Take care,
    Keith

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  5. I love this and am delighted to hear that you are being published! Go you!! I'm sure there are a lot of people will be inspired by what you have to say.

    Interesting reading the comments. I also read Toby johnson's 'Gay Spirituality' and found it an interesting read. Some of it I related to some of it I didn't. But it raises an interesting question for me; is there such a thing as 'gay spirituality'? Gay people that are spiritual perhaps. But spirituality - or our true spiritual nature as pure consciousness - is beyond form, beyond body, beyond sexuality, beyond gender, so I don't think spirituality is much influenced by sexuality. Sexuality is quite incidental to our true nature in my view. And yet gay people may have unique ways of approaching spirituality due to the widespread oppression of traditional religion? Maybe that factors in. Might be the topic of an interesting discussion. :)

    R

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  6. Hey Rory
    I agree with you about spirituality not having a sexuality per se. Maybe as obligate outsiders we're just gifted with the chance, at a much earlier stage in life than most, to choose between life as it really is or life in a pretend existence- which gives us a better spiritual start than most.
    Co-incidentally that's kind of what next month's columnis about!
    Butch? Bitch? Whatever! Be Who You Are!!
    Love
    GS

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