Sunday, 31 January 2016

Faerie Full-Moon Ritual Sunday 24/1/16

Winter night air
Freezing our breath

Ritual Fire
Breathing bright flames

Icy-cold Water
Burbling soft sounds

Snow covered Earth
Sparkling with frost

Magic Full-Moon
Shining pale rays

Five Faerie Hearts
Twinkling with joy

Silent Moonbow
Playing with Light

Glamour is shaped
Poetry made

Saturday, 2 January 2016

Tantric Sex and Finding The Meaning of Life......

“Every Time I find the meaning of life-they change it”
This is the title of a book by Daniel Klien that caught my attention as I was browsing at Waterstone’s last week. It made me chuckle!
The thing is, that I might just have discovered the meaning of life, the universe and everything in a book I’m currently reading about the Philosophy, History and Practice of Tantra by the respected and remarkably lucid Sanskrit scholar Christopher Wallis. 
Because Tantra is one of the few spiritual traditions which embraces sex and sexuality within its meditative practices, and because we live in a culture which generally sees spirituality as separate and somehow above sexuality, there is much confusion and misinformation about it all. 
One friend said to me when I was considering paying for a Tantric massage “Come on- it’s not worth that! Its just a posh wank”. And a few days ago I was chatting with some friends one of whom is training as a Tantric Masseur and none of us could come up with a definition of what Tantra actually was.
So, brace yourself; here’s the central belief system from page 55 of Wallis’ book

“All that exists, throughout all time and beyond, is one infinite divine Consciousness, free and blissful, which projects within the field of its awareness a vast multiplicity of apparently differentiated subjects and objects: each object an actualization of a timeless potentiality inherent in the Light of Consciousness, and each subject the same plus a contracted locus of self awareness.

“This creation, a divine play, is the result of the natural impulse within Consciousness to express the totality of its self-knowledge in action, an impulse arising from love. The unbounded Light of Consciousness contracts into finite embodied loci of awareness out of its own free will.

“When those finite subjects then identify with the limited and circumscribed cognitions and circumstances that make up this phase of their existence, instead of identifying with the trans-individual overarching pulsation of pure Awareness that is their true nature, they experience what they call “suffering”.

“To rectify this, some feel an inner urge to take up the path of spiritual gnosis and yogic practice, the purpose of which is to undermine their misidentification and directly reveal within the immediacy of awareness, the fact that the divine powers of Consciousness, Bliss, Willing, Knowing and Acting comprise the totality of individual experience as well- thereby triggering a recognition that one’s real identity is that of the highest Divinity, the Whole in every part.

“This experiential gnosis is repeated and reinforced through various means until it becomes the non-conceptual ground of every moment of experience, and one’s contracted sense of self and separation from the Whole is finally annihilated in the incandescent radiance of the complete expansion into perfect wholeness.

“Then one’s perception fully encompasses the reality of a universe dancing ecstatically in the animation of its completely perfect divinity.”

Wow-just wow!

Monday, 2 November 2015

Cocks, Cunts and Guts Warfare!

Are we in a battle with the prevailing culture? Who’s hearts and minds do we need to win?
I’ve just finished reading ‘Truth or Dare- Encounters with Power, Authority and Mystery’ by the Eco-Feminist Witch Starhawk.

She would maintain that there is a prevailing oppressive culture governed by an outmoded drive to maintain a constant readiness for war. A need to pay homage to a King as: Judge, Censor, Conqueror, Master of Servants, Orderer of the Universe.... “Each aspect carries with it an obsession with its own issues and a view of the self and the world. Each brandishes its own weapons and threats and makes its own particular offer, which presumably we cannot refuse. Each deludes us in its own way and each contains some positive value we must reclaim.”

From this perspective we are seen as subjects to serve the ruling, warring powers who have power-over us. However, our birthright as LGBTQ folk has afforded us a perspective which is able to see this for the nonsense it is. Our own personal drive to become the beings we truly are has enabled us to overcome adverse judgements, has empowered us to speak out when told to shut up. We rock the boat when warned that invaders are afoot. We are prepared to get above our station and we just don’t care when we’re told we just ‘aint natural. We are more comfortable away from structures of Power-over and embrace models respecting our own unique intrinsic power.

Power-over is threatened by Power-with and will oppress, restrict, suffocate, subdue, poison, weaken, threaten, intimidate any attempts to undermine it!

So how do we win out against a war hungry, subjugating culture hell bent on stripping its members of their immanent value? The answer, according to Starhawk, is not to go hearts-and-minds-pleading for it to give a little of its power back. The answer is to team together to reclaim our own personal power as natural creatures of this earth. To invoke the reality of the magick of focussed intention. This is guerrilla warfare with Cunts, Cocks and Guts!

Radial Faerie founding father, Harry Hay famously challenged the early gay civil rights pioneers who were clamoring for assimilation to ‘shed the ugly frog-skin of hetero-conformity’. They were busy pleading for the right to be free from persecution on the basis that they were just like everyone else apart from their sexuality. Ask yourself do you really want to join the queue to join this crazy mixed up society? The fact of our sexuality may be one of the few things we have in common with all those governed by this power-over system.

I don’t need to persuade anyone that I deserve my intrinsic power to be honored. I simply reclaim that power rooted in my own Fire, Water, Earth, Air and Faerie-Spirit. In my determination to be that which (Witch) I am to become. 

Come on- let’s make some magick!

Monday, 31 August 2015

The Good Old Days?

1980: I’m sitting nervously with a handful of guys at the back of a newly opened gay bookshop in central London. It’s the first of its kind. Its very existence is a political act of defiance. My presence there represents a giant step out from the suffocating safety of a closeted lifetime. I know the shop has been regularly raided by the police for ‘obscene’ publications.. Maliciously thrown bricks have recently shattered the windows at the front. 

John is the manager and Charlie is the owner. They are the conveners of this meeting- a Gay Icebreakers Group- offering support to men like me.

I’m 20 years old and the law says it’s illegal for me to have sex with a man until I’m 21. My parents, my teachers, my church, my friends have made it clear to me that sexual attraction to men at any age is shamefully unacceptable. Years of conditioning have trained me to fear and stifle the public expression of my authentic self.

Here, for the first time in my life I’m in the presence of men bravely bearing witness to another way of being. They talk about the political importance of ‘coming out’ by making my sexual self visible. I’m full of arguments about why that would be impossible for me. My parents would disown me. My friends would shun me. I’m a medical student- what would my colleagues say? How would my patients react?

They chide me from my intellectual defenses by appealing to my hungrily aching animal urges: “Well maybe what you need to do is just have lots and lots and lots of sex with men”

A few months later I will bump into one of the men in the lift lobby at the hospital. He’s visiting his boyfriend who is seriously ill in the Intensive Care Unit. It turns out that this is the first identified case of AIDS in the UK. A few months later he’s dead and I’m in a lecture theatre hearing from his doctor about this new disease spreading like wild-fire among gay men.

It was tough back then. I was marginalized by my differentness and felt isolated and alone.  I didn’t realize at the time that what I perceived as my misfortune was, in fact, a blessing in disguise. The blessing of meta-positioning. The gift of a powerful drive to question and confront the received wisdom of my culture. The recognition of my unique purpose. The chance to become consciously aware of how powerful influences could operate within my secular consumer society to veer me away from my true nature- not just with regard to my sexuality but also in respect of my gender identity, my animalistic self and even the sense of my spiritual self.

With gay emancipation and hetero-normative assimilation comes a loss of the social criminal’s unifying ‘outsider’ perspective. As a gay man maybe I have a twinge of nostalgia for this but then again as a Queer Faerie Spirit Warrior maybe not!

Friday, 26 June 2015

Faerie Sex Magick

What is Faerie Sex Magick (FSM)?
FSM is a group process evolved by Faeries to help male bodied queers to reconnect their sexual selves with their deeper sense of emotional intimacy.
What does it involve?
It involves getting together with a small group of men and, over the course of a week, developing the confidence to open your deeper self to them as they open to you. It involves sharing from the heart and recognising that it is not only safe but also worthy of love to reveal your vulnerabilities and to witness others exposing theirs.
That sounds scary!
It all happens in a venue which is protected from the distractions of the noisy world most of us occupy. The whole process is facilitated by Faeries who have been involved with its growth since it was first conceived by Harry Hay- one of the originators of the Faeries as a development of queer consciousness.
The foundation of the sharing is the Faerie Heart Circle derived from the Native American Indian tradition of sharing circles. Heart Circle involves passing a talisman or ‘talking stick’ around the circle. When you have the talisman it’s your turn to share, when you pass on the talisman it’s your turn to listen!
So what’s magickal about it?
When a small group agree to give each other their non-judgemental attention in Heart Circle something quite unexpected happens. The level of emotional intimacy within the group rapidly intensifies in a surprising and almost magickal way.
And where does the sex come into it?
The intention of the Heart Circling is to develop the emotional intimacy in the group so there is enough trust for permissions to be given to each and every member of the group so that loving touch can be given and received. When this stage has been reached the group enters into ‘Ritual Space’
What Happens in ‘Ritual Space’
It is up to the group how erotic and sensual touch will manifest. Once the trust and emotional intimacy has developed there is no shortage of imaginative yet sensitive ideas as to how the group could relate to each other sexually.
Now that’s starting to sound interesting! Can anyone do it?
If you’ve never experienced sharing in Heart Circle before you would be advised to get some practice at this before going on a full FSM workshop. The Brighton Faeries hold Heart Circles every so often (email to get on the list) and there are monthly Edward Carpenter Community Heart Circles usually held on the second Sunday of the month (email for details)
So what’s your experience of FSM?
I have attended 2 FSM workshops. Because of the depth of sharing on a workshop the group promises that they will respect each other’s confidentiality.
What I can say is that, aside from the pure enjoyment of entering into an emotionally safe yet sexually intimate space with a bunch of lovely men, I am now profoundly changed for the better! Check it out at 

Sunday, 3 May 2015

From Death and Decay Emerges Life and Vitality!

In my 55th year I’m finally granted the experience of orphanhood. Dad died last year then, almost to the day, mum went off her food and within 6 weeks was lying in a box in the ground just above him.After years of illness dad’s death had been a relief but mum had been fit and well all of her life so although she was 92 it is still shocking!

I had had that ‘special’ bond that sissy boys can have with their mums- when I was a kid it was me she got to blow-dry her hair and not my sister! Thankfully life moved us on and, whilst I grew up, came out and developed adult-to-adult emotional relationships she granted the space for this and committed to her relationship with that grumpy, patriarchal, emotionally wounded man: my difficult to love father.

After dad died there was the promise of rekindling our closeness. In that final year we spent weekends together doing crosswords, watching TV and just hanging out. We flew to Switzerland for a holiday. We spent last Christmas together. However the plans to get her down to Brighton and for shopping trips to London, were all snatched away.

In what seemed like no time at all, she went from being a totally independent, intelligent and capable woman to an anaemic husk of a being, struggling to  breathe. She’d been offered surgery to bypass the tumor in her stomach but she quickly made up her mind to reject this and opted to die at home in the company of her children. We watched helplessly as she rapidly slipped away.

As a solitary Pagan Taoist Ex-Catholic Faerie I’d felt extremely unsupported spiritually when my father had died. To me, the roman catholic funeral ceremony seemed stuffed with empty, meaningless, liturgical mumbo-jumbo. When I heard that mum had gone off her food, I instinctively ordered Starhawk’s book ‘The Pagan Book of Living and Dying’ anticipating  developing my own closing ritual. Sadly, things moved too quickly and, once again the default ritual clicked into place. This time however I had the support of a special Faerie friend (Flute) who offered to help my mother’s spirit to pass. At the moment of my mother’s death I texted Flute who did the necessary.

I now have a ball of soil from my mother’s grave (Earth), a lock of her hair (Air) and the paper tissue I used to dry the tears I wept at her funeral (Water). I’m going to plant these items in the roots of a Flowering Cherry Tree. My ritual will celebrate the life and vitality which is now occasioned by their death.

As a pot plant may feel both contained yet restrained by its pot, I too have been contained yet restrained by my loving parents. Now the pot is broken. It is time for my roots to feed on the abundant richness of the Earth. Thank-you and RIP Kath and Harry.

Sunday, 12 April 2015

Five Tips on the Sport of Sacred Sauna Sexercise

I have a friend who claims that  his favorite sport is ‘sauna sexercise’. It’s probably my favorite sport too! And although gay saunas have their many detractors I have come to the conclusion that, for me, with the right frame of mind, the gay sauna is probably one of the best venues not only for a thorough sex workout but also for the possibility of some sacred sexual intimacy.

So how do I approach the Holy Temple of Sacred Sexercise?

1 I don’t go to the sauna expecting anything other than a better than average chance of giving love, of that love being received, and, as a result, finding myself in communion with another bloke and thereby with The Divine. Namaste: the deity within me worshiping the deity within him worshiping the deity within me.

2 I attempt to cultivate a simple acceptance of every single body present at any particular time. For me sauna encounters are an opportunity to engage in unconditional love. So, no approach is rejected and there is no sense of too old, too young, too fat, too hairy, or, believe it or not, too well hung! In the sauna I’m not looking for a movie-star, a trophy or a lifelong lover. I’m simply reveling in the amazing nature of naked male sexuality, much as I would be reveling in the amazing nature of arboreal energy in some ancient woodland. (A tree however is much happier to be unconditionally hugged than is your average bloke-in-a-sauna)

3 Personally I’m not big on hunting and I’m more comfortable being pursued. However if it seems that someone is intent on being sought I can dance that dance too! With hunting, though, there is always the risk of a rejection and here again the frame of mind is crucial. If someone seems interested and then changes their mind that’s cool. If someone seems to be wanting to hurt me with their rejection I can’t take that personally. Instead I get a chance to feel compassion for the mixed-up-ness going on for that person. I’m a big believer that the most important relationship anyone has, is the relationship they have with themselves. Anyone hanging around a sauna attempting to hurt others with their rejections is likely to be struggling. Worthy of a gentle blessing and a fairly wide birth!

4 I approach (and expect to be approached by) my potential sacred lovers in a way which is respectful of emotional, psychological and physical safety. So just as I would not wish to knowingly emotionally or psychologically unsettle a lover, I would also endeavor to safeguard their physical safety too. Erotic touch can be so many things within the realm of safer sex.

5 Finally,remember if you’re going to give yourself a treat, give yourself the gift of unconditional love because (unless you encounter me in the sauna) you can be sure as hell no one else is going to give it to you!

Saturday, 14 March 2015

One of the Most Beautiful Stars in the Universe

I'm emotionally exhausted. My mother is 92 and has just been diagnosed with a very advanced stomach cancer which is preventing her from eating anything or drinking much. I'm just back from a 6 day stint nursing her on my own 24/7 during which time she deteriorated from being totally independent on day 1 to requiring total nursing care by day 3 with no services being aware of how bad things had become. She was offered the possibility of an operation to bypass the tumour with a plastic tube but she understandably declined. When I left her in the capable hands of district nurses, hospice workers and my older brother and sister yesterday she wasn't sure if she'd be able to manage to drink sufficient to keep herself alive for Mother's Day tomorrow when my eldest brother arrives from Canada. As I kissed her goodbye I said that it would probably be the last time I saw her alive. She said 'Don't worry about that- I'll always be with you'. I drove the 250 miles back home yesterday choking and blinking back my painful pangs of grief. There's a part of me thinking I should be back there sitting vigil with my brothers and sister whilst she dies. I'm totally drained from the unexpected horribleness of it all. They all understood why I needed to get some distance from it for a few days. I'm hoping she'll hold out until this Friday when I had scheduled a weeks annual leave from work (I'd been due to be traveling up to a long anticipated faerie gathering at Featherstone Castle but I won't be able to do that now) It's most likely that I'll get a call over the next few days to say she won't last long and I'll jump in the car for the 6/7 hours drive and catch her final minutes/hours/days. Then there'll be the funeral to get through. And then at the age of 54 I'll be embarking on the adjustment to my newly orphaned status. 

The Earth Mother Loved her into life! 
She lived Love into my life! 
As one of the most beautiful stars in the Universe, 
She is about to return to the womb, 
And her Love has now become a golden thread 
In the fabric of our community. 
Wu Chi-Tai Chi- Wu Chi

Saturday, 3 January 2015

How I Feed my Faerie!

As a Faerie I am a Nature Lover.
I love my own nature. I love the satisfaction it takes from indulging its basic lusts, hungers and thirsts. And I love the joy it feels from being engaged in a higher purpose. 
The challenge, I find, in a skewed world which overvalues the material and undervalues the ethereal, is to maintain a sense of balance. How, in presence, do I dance on the tightrope between divinity and mundanity in my moment to moment existence?
How do I feed my Faerie?
Here are a handful of activities I’ll be engaged with this month-you might want to join me?

1 Naked Yoga

If you are a male bodied Faerie and you like to get your kit off you might like to try a naked yoga session with Nickles (Sunday 8th February 4pm, Holistic Health Clinic, Preston Circus)-
Yoga is a great way to bring to attention the importance of balancing and binding together your physical self with those aspects of you that are not physical. The state of nakedness creates a surprisingly loving, accepting and non-competitive atmosphere.

2 Faerie Gathering

By the time you are reading this you will have probably just missed the Glastonbury Imbolc Weekend (30 January-3 February) but it’s not too late to book for the March Featherstone Gathering (20-30 March) see 

‘Leave behind the mundane and the conventional.... Ignite your passions, delight your senses, take risks, learn and teach.... commune with nature, embrace whimsy, transform yourself, delve deep into the profound, dissolve in laughter…
In a magical castle in Northumberland we will share and listen at heart circles, cook and eat delicious meals together, dress up, dress down, frolic in the love temple, snuggle by the fire, drum, sing, dance and make merry.’
Have an adventure in self development and discovery. If you want to jiggle things up a bit and blow away the cob-webs I’d strongly recommend it!
3 Dance
There’s a great 5 Rhythms dance class held at St Nicholas’ Church (BN13LT) every Wednesday evening 8-10pm see
5 Rhythms isn’t about learning dance moves- it’s about learning to spontaneously move in a self compassionate way in space and time to music. There’s no-one there to tell you how to do it. You just turn up and start moving to the music- however you like. And it will be right! There is no judgement! It’s an exercise in freeing your body and spirit from constraints, restrictions, guilt and shame. The crowd there are people of all shapes, sizes, ages, genders and sexualities.
At the time of writing there are plans to bring an LGBT class to Brighton (Dance out Loud) but as yet there’s no definite date or venue. Watch this space for news:

I’m looking forward to seeing you this month naked at yoga, frolicking at Featherstone or 5Rhythms-ing on the dance floor!

Monday, 3 November 2014

The Dance of the Cis-ish Faerie

So, here’s the thing! Biologically I’m a bloke. Psychologically I can identify as a man. So that would make me a Cis-gendered male. However I am also able to identify as a woman. Not so that ‘I feel like a woman trapped in a man’s body’ but enough that I enjoy inhabiting feminine attire and relating/ being related to, at least partially, as female. From a gender-world view I don’t fit into the Cis- world and I don’t fit into the Trans- world. Cis- men find my drag puzzling and unnecessary. Trans- women resent my ability to pass as Cis- and do not accept me into their fold either. Maybe just as Bisexuals will often complain that from a sexuality point of view they are at home in neither the gay nor the straight world, I, from a gender point of view am at home in neither the Cis- nor the Trans- world. Maybe there could be a word for it-Bigendered? Or Cis-ish?
I’ve just returned from the US. I went to a gay night-club in the Castro district of San Francisco where I allowed my feminine a degree of expression....

Green velveteen poncho with the pink fringe
Blue ripped denimette lycra tights
Peers over half-moon leopard print framed specks
A brightly coloured plastic butterfly quivering on the brim of the
Dark brown floppy top-hat textured with light faun bobbles.

No bosom swells the green fabric
Just the sturdy shoulders of a masculine frame.
A definite bulge in the crotch of those skin-tight blue jeans
And substantial manly thighs there too
Who is this grotesque come to ruin the night at the Badlands Castro Bar?

“Nice Poncho, Honey”
“Wow-those jeans”
The bouncer braces, sensing imminent danger.
The bartender, with eyes conceding discomfort, attempts nonchalance 
But knocks over glasses as he delivers the requested soda.

Around the dance floor sneers and elbowing 
Saying “Look, what the cat dragged in”
“This bar ‘aint for folk like you” 
“Why don’t you stick with yo’ own kind”

But the siren calls of the diva deities and their dancing dollies
Beam down from the plasma walls of this coliseum
And the straight-acting boys
(Pissed, stoned and almost wasted
Usually reluctant to have their sissy invoked)
Are anesthetized enough now to access at least a caricature of their pansy nature.
The Dance effervesces rare breaths of oxygen into a testosterone driven femininity suffocating world.
Even the trans-lads take a few panting gasps as they wiggle their hips and lip-synch to Kylie.

So here the Cis-ish Faerie dances The Dance
Dances with the space between the backs of disgusted dancers
Dances with the Mascinine-Femculine divine within
Dances as a laugh in the face of the disapproving
Dances a prayer that the “Loved Feminine” become manifest in all ourselves
That the “Hated, Despised, Repressed Feminine” be seen, acknowledged, understood
And gently embraced with love!

Dances it all to Oblivion!
Dances it all to Eternity!
Dances it all to The Cosmos!