Equality: Ticket to liberation? Diversity threat? Or key to allowing intimacy into our lives?

Why is it, when I hear the word ‘Equality’, I get a rush of mixed feelings? Are all of us born equal? Certainly my political instincts twitch against the opposite, Orwellian aphorism that ‘Some are more equal than others’ with its attendant divisiveness and preferential treatment for a privileged few over the masses.

For us queer folk, rallying behind the Stonewall Equality banner in recent years has served us well in our battles against oppression and invalidation. However there’s a big difference between saying that we demand equality in terms of our human rights before the law, and saying that we deserve to be treated like everyone else because we’re no different from anyone else. For some, the route to achieving the former has been by living a lifestyle attempting to demonstrate the latter! Problem is, that whilst we’ve all been busy assimilating ourselves into straight society- we pair bond, shop at Habitat and IKEA, want the right to get married and nurture children- we’ve started to loose our edge.

Historically, our greatest contribution to society has been by providing our perspective on it from its margins. In our disenfranchisement, oppression and invalidation we've grown strong as individuals by the cultivation of our uniqueness, special-ness, and strangeness. The thing is, now we have the opportunity to be card carrying members of mainstream society, we have the choice of either joining with the consumer driven frenzy of it all or, just stepping back and taking stock.

Quentin Crisp once said of the joy and hardship of the queer’s role on the margins: “Never try to join forces with the enemy! You should make no effort to join society. Stay right where you are. Give your name and serial number and wait for society to come to you”

I recently came across another aspect of equality whilst reading the Gay Blogger CrazeeBee . He made the helpful observation that a lack of equality within power relationships between people eradicates intimacy. This really struck a chord. I realized that I often find I’ve either put myself, or others have positioned me, into very marked relationship power differentials. It’s like I’m the powerful one or I’m the weak one. The dominant or the submissive. I may seek to dominate or to be submissive. Others may seek domination or submission from me. And it’s all driven by fear of intimacy. Within extreme power differentials there is both the security and the profound disappointment that emotional intimacy will be kept securely under wraps.

So I thank the Universe for “Equality” and how it has served us well in our battles to be treated fairly. However I would urge against a full-scale stampede towards a tepid, insipid, and magnolia painted lifestyle within the mainstream. Keep remembering that we queers are different and some of us are more different than others! By continuing to be our fabulous, unique, beautiful selves, out on the margins, we will inevitably transform the world for the better. And don’t forget that to equalize the power differences within your personal relationships may be the way to find a more fulfilling and intimacy rich existence!