Five Tips on the Sport of Sacred Sauna Sexercise

I have a friend who claims that  his favorite sport is ‘sauna sexercise’. It’s probably my favorite sport too! And although gay saunas have their many detractors I have come to the conclusion that, for me, with the right frame of mind, the gay sauna is probably one of the best venues not only for a thorough sex workout but also for the possibility of some sacred sexual intimacy.

So how do I approach the Holy Temple of Sacred Sexercise?

1 I don’t go to the sauna expecting anything other than a better than average chance of giving love, of that love being received, and, as a result, finding myself in communion with another bloke and thereby with The Divine. Namaste: the deity within me worshiping the deity within him worshiping the deity within me.

2 I attempt to cultivate a simple acceptance of every single body present at any particular time. For me sauna encounters are an opportunity to engage in unconditional love. So, no approach is rejected and there is no sense of too old, too young, too fat, too hairy, or, believe it or not, too well hung! In the sauna I’m not looking for a movie-star, a trophy or a lifelong lover. I’m simply reveling in the amazing nature of naked male sexuality, much as I would be reveling in the amazing nature of arboreal energy in some ancient woodland. (A tree however is much happier to be unconditionally hugged than is your average bloke-in-a-sauna)

3 Personally I’m not big on hunting and I’m more comfortable being pursued. However if it seems that someone is intent on being sought I can dance that dance too! With hunting, though, there is always the risk of a rejection and here again the frame of mind is crucial. If someone seems interested and then changes their mind that’s cool. If someone seems to be wanting to hurt me with their rejection I can’t take that personally. Instead I get a chance to feel compassion for the mixed-up-ness going on for that person. I’m a big believer that the most important relationship anyone has, is the relationship they have with themselves. Anyone hanging around a sauna attempting to hurt others with their rejections is likely to be struggling. Worthy of a gentle blessing and a fairly wide birth!

4 I approach (and expect to be approached by) my potential sacred lovers in a way which is respectful of emotional, psychological and physical safety. So just as I would not wish to knowingly emotionally or psychologically unsettle a lover, I would also endeavor to safeguard their physical safety too. Erotic touch can be so many things within the realm of safer sex.

5 Finally,remember if you’re going to give yourself a treat, give yourself the gift of unconditional love because (unless you encounter me in the sauna) you can be sure as hell no one else is going to give it to you!

Down with Pride! Up with Passion!

I feel Pride bursting my heart as I inhale
I feel shame twist my insides as I exhale 

If Gay Pride marches started as a defiant gesture towards our emotionally abusive nurturing networks, as a refusal to allow a minority socio-biologically determined feature to mark us out as pariahs, then maybe we need to explore the impact of historical societal unpleasantness on the stymieing of the spirit of joy and playfulness in our Faerie natures. 

For most of us we’ve had to brazen out the discomfort of a constant backdrop of presumed social approbation. My own response was to pull away from family and frien-emies . I had to numb my sensitivities; to seem like I didn’t give a shit. I anaesthetized my intuition and creative instincts. I stifled my feminine-sissy nature. She had already been battered and bruised over the years by the invalidation of others’ embarrassment, disapproval, and ridicule. 

Distancing myself also meant ripping myself away from the wonderfully assuring imagery, stories and understandings of a stabilising yet homophobic religious community, who had provided a basic framework around which my early spiritual growth had been flourishing. 

As I came out to a more accepting chosen family, I sensed that my male-loving masculine gender was nicely privileged. However my male-loving feminine nature was shunned. My first gay community, had not only unknowingly internalised its own homophobia but was also largely unaware of its patriarchally imposed misogyny. For lots of understandable reasons it was a spiritual wilderness too. 

As I identified a lack of spirit in my life I began to search for an accepting spiritual home. Wherever I seemed to look there would always seem to be a problem with queerness. I concluded ultimately that I would need to become the spiritual home I was searching for. I started to read daily from the book “The Essential Gay Mystics” by Andrew Harvey and slowly but gradually began the work (and play) of constructing a truly personal spiritual life where my soul would be free to dance, laugh and sing! 

In this new life I am encouraged to pursue my sexual desires and to satisfy my sexual appetites as a truly spiritual practice. My masculine-ness is honoured -as is my feminineness in a beautifully androgynous balance! By cultivating my spiritual/ sexual nature I am able to honour the 'wholeness of me' in the context of the cosmos. I can attune to the unassailable forces of inevitability. 

Rather than allowing ‘shame aversion’ to guide my actions I can now allow myself to be wholeheartedly ethically shameless following instead the discernment arising from a respect for my nature, the love of others and a joy for life. The Faeries like this! 

In Faerie community my wholeness is honoured and enjoyed. I am invited to explore my response to acceptance in social space. Do I choose to be selfish or am I generous and self-sacrificial? I learn that I am allowed to take the love I need and that I am happy to allow others to feed on the love I have to give. 

I have said goodbye to the Gay Pride/Shame binary. 
I’ve left it behind in exchange for Queer Sacred Passion. 
It’s a much more sustaining paradigm!