An Original Albion Faerie Queen- one of Britain’s Stately Homos

Just as it is inevitable, that a career in politics must end in failure, then too, perhaps, every relationship with a hero must end ultimately with disenchantment….

The enchantment with my hero began when, as a shy queer adolescent searching for affirmation in a homophobic Catholic school in the homophobic North of England, I became aware of a character so totally convinced of his inalienable right to be queer that he flamboyantly asserted his sexuality and endured the sticks and stones hurled at him by an even more hostile bygone era with equanimity and wit.

To my scared and nascent queer nature these strident personality attributes [which I would not have dared to dream of emulating] became a beacon of hope towards which I could steer my sense of ‘daring to be different’. So whilst my brothers had their posters of football and rugby players [whom I would secretly lust after] plastered on the bedroom walls, my forbidden aspirational role model secreted in the far reaches of the back of my mind was one of Britain’s Stately Homos!

Whenever I reached an important coming-out juncture in my life and was quibbling with myself about wimping out, I would refer back to my icon, take succour, feel the fear then just get on with it. So it is to Quentin Crisp that I give thanks for the proper development of my queer sensibility.

Without his existence, without his avidly read life story as depicted in The Naked Civil Servant, without his witty epithets thrown in the face of unanimous disapproval, I might never have overcome what seemed at times to be the overwhelming odds against me. I might never have been brave enough to take my first faltering steps towards the consummation of my disapproved of sexual passions. So thank you, Quentin, you were to me, at that time, a character of epic proportions, unknowingly spurring me on from strength to strength.

I have learned, however, over the years, that you were, as I am, a human being with faults and flaws and for that, of course, I forgive you. Your insufferable egocentricity might even have been the source of your immensely shameless, eccentricity! As bravely shocking as larger-than-life characters such as you can be, I have learned to be cautious around those of your ilk. I need space to express myself so I now spend time on relationships with those who are not only busy developing their authenticity but who are also interested in, and affirming of, mine.

There was a stage in my life when my co-dependency had me hanging around guys with massive egos so I could hide away by relinquishing my own. It is interesting that just as elements of Quentin’s brazen character spurred me on to become my true self, the deficits in his nature have me recoiling towards a quest for true intimacy in love. Sadly, it seems, this would have been something completely anathema to him.

So Quentin Crisp I celebrate your life and your death in me. Had you not been so unashamedly You, I would never have been so unashamedly Me!