Tantric Sex and Finding The Meaning of Life......

“Every Time I find the meaning of life-they change it”
This is the title of a book by Daniel Klien that caught my attention as I was browsing at Waterstone’s last week. It made me chuckle!
The thing is, that I might just have discovered the meaning of life, the universe and everything in a book I’m currently reading about the Philosophy, History and Practice of Tantra by the respected and remarkably lucid Sanskrit scholar Christopher Wallis. 
Because Tantra is one of the few spiritual traditions which embraces sex and sexuality within its meditative practices, and because we live in a culture which generally sees spirituality as separate and somehow above sexuality, there is much confusion and misinformation about it all. 
One friend said to me when I was considering paying for a Tantric massage “Come on- it’s not worth that! Its just a posh wank”. And a few days ago I was chatting with some friends one of whom is training as a Tantric Masseur and none of us could come up with a definition of what Tantra actually was.
So, brace yourself; here’s the central belief system from page 55 of Wallis’ book

“All that exists, throughout all time and beyond, is one infinite divine Consciousness, free and blissful, which projects within the field of its awareness a vast multiplicity of apparently differentiated subjects and objects: each object an actualization of a timeless potentiality inherent in the Light of Consciousness, and each subject the same plus a contracted locus of self awareness.

“This creation, a divine play, is the result of the natural impulse within Consciousness to express the totality of its self-knowledge in action, an impulse arising from love. The unbounded Light of Consciousness contracts into finite embodied loci of awareness out of its own free will.

“When those finite subjects then identify with the limited and circumscribed cognitions and circumstances that make up this phase of their existence, instead of identifying with the trans-individual overarching pulsation of pure Awareness that is their true nature, they experience what they call “suffering”.

“To rectify this, some feel an inner urge to take up the path of spiritual gnosis and yogic practice, the purpose of which is to undermine their misidentification and directly reveal within the immediacy of awareness, the fact that the divine powers of Consciousness, Bliss, Willing, Knowing and Acting comprise the totality of individual experience as well- thereby triggering a recognition that one’s real identity is that of the highest Divinity, the Whole in every part.

“This experiential gnosis is repeated and reinforced through various means until it becomes the non-conceptual ground of every moment of experience, and one’s contracted sense of self and separation from the Whole is finally annihilated in the incandescent radiance of the complete expansion into perfect wholeness.

“Then one’s perception fully encompasses the reality of a universe dancing ecstatically in the animation of its completely perfect divinity.”

Wow-just wow!

Faerie Sex Magick

What is Faerie Sex Magick (FSM)?

FSM is a group process evolved by Faeries to help male bodied queers to reconnect their sexual selves with their deeper sense of emotional intimacy.

What does it involve?

It involves getting together with a small group of men and, over the course of a week, developing the confidence to open your deeper self to them as they open to you. It involves sharing from the heart and recognising that it is not only safe but also worthy of love to reveal your vulnerabilities and to witness others exposing theirs.

That sounds scary!

It all happens in a venue which is protected from the distractions of the noisy world most of us occupy. The whole process is facilitated by Faeries who have been involved with its growth since it was first conceived by Harry Hay- one of the originators of the Faeries as a development of queer consciousness.

The foundation of the sharing is the Faerie Heart Circle derived from the Native American Indian tradition of sharing circles. Heart Circle involves passing a talisman or ‘talking stick’ around the circle. When you have the talisman it’s your turn to share, when you pass on the talisman it’s your turn to listen!

So what’s magickal about it?

When a small group agree to give each other their non-judgemental attention in Heart Circle something quite unexpected happens. The level of emotional intimacy within the group rapidly intensifies in a surprising and almost magickal way.

And where does the sex come into it?

The intention of the Heart Circling is to develop the emotional intimacy in the group so there is enough trust for permissions to be given to each and every member of the group so that loving touch can be given and received. When this stage has been reached the group enters into ‘Ritual Space’

What Happens in ‘Ritual Space’

It is up to the group how erotic and sensual touch will manifest. Once the trust and emotional intimacy has developed there is no shortage of imaginative yet sensitive ideas as to how the group could relate to each other sexually.

Now that’s starting to sound interesting! Can anyone do it?

If you’ve never experienced sharing in Heart Circle before you would be advised to get some practice at this before going on a full FSM workshop. The Brighton Faeries hold Heart Circles every so often (email brightonfaerie@gmail.com to get on the list) and there are monthly Edward Carpenter Community Heart Circles usually held on the second Sunday of the month (email gaysocrates@gmail.com for details)

So what’s your experience of FSM?

I have attended 2 FSM workshops. Because of the depth of sharing on a workshop the group promises that they will respect each other’s confidentiality.

What I can say is that, aside from the pure enjoyment of entering into an emotionally safe yet sexually intimate space with a bunch of lovely men, I am now profoundly changed for the better! Check it out at 

http://www.faeriesexmagick.org

Power, Intimacy and the experience of a structured Edward Carpenter Community Gay Men's Week

Ten years ago, within a few months of having moved to Brighton, a friend suggested that I should think about checking out The Edward Carpenter Community and getting up to the Gay Men's Retreat at Laurieston Hall in Dumfries. He thought it would be my kind of thing!

I didn’t know what he meant and hearing his description of what happened when he’d been there, I thought he might have misunderstood me. I was vehemently monogamous at the time and the idea of thrusting myself into a community of randy, intelligent, articulate men seemed to be unnecessarily putting myself in the way of temptation!

Four years later my partner gets ill and our sex life peters out. He feels rotten and tired out so doesn’t want to spoil the memory of the great sex we used to have together. I remain dedicated and stay, at least conceptually, devoted to a fidelity towards him. I keep reminding myself that this is what was meant by the ‘In sickness’ part of the promise grown up people make to each other when they unthinkingly really expect ‘In health’. I keep hoping the ailment will resolve and our sexual intimacy will be able to re-kindle. It doesn’t. We stop going on holidays because he can’t bear spoiling my enjoyment with his tiredness and frustration. I go off for a few lone holidays to get a break from his unhappiness but I don’t really enjoy myself. We get into the habit of having holidays in Brighton and Guy’s relentless fatigue begins gradually to relent. However our clubbing, pub-ing and partying social life became moribund and rapidly expired in the early years of illness as the fair weather friends scurried off to their next engagements. I ultimately enter a social purdah when my two remaining friends move from Brighton and relocate to London and Equador! I start a blog and make some virtual friends. During all of this I’m developing a sense of my spiritual self and realising that it’s no use waiting for some organized religion to provide me with any kind of meaningful support. I have an acute sense that our tribe is seriously lacking a connection to spirit. My ordeal is helping me to know this and is goading me into doing something about it! I get serious about writing and manage to get a regular column published in the local LGBT magazine.

This is the context as I’m racking my brain for what to do for my holiday in August/September 2009. A ‘gay spirit’ yahoo group listserv email enters my in-box describing a workshop entitled ‘The Dance Between Power and Intimacy’ run by Sunfire, the resident Spiritual Healer at Easton Mountain Retreat. It seems radically different in its approach to male intimacy, erotic touch and spirituality. I bemoan that this kind of thing only ever seems to happen in the US. Then, still wondering about what to do about holidays, I remember my friend’s suggestion about ECC and check out the website to see if I can tie my holiday in with a Laurieston week. And there it is again-this radical workshop is being run not in the States but at Laurieston Hall! I hesitate and realise that I was happy to imagine that I would be someone prepared to attend this workshop when it was out of reach but now it is within my grasp I begin to find excuses not to go. I remember my conversation about Laurieston with my friend and contact him to see if he’d be up for it. He admits he’d be nervous about getting his kit off and exploring his issues- and in any case his mum is seriously ill and he can’t commit. What to do?

I print off the application and write a cheque and then wait, hoping that maybe there aren’t enough applicants for it to run and it will be cancelled!

It isn’t cancelled and so in September I set off from Brighton in my little smart car on my pilgrimage to Dumfries.

What happens next is a kaleidoscopic cornucopia of happy images, experiences, memories and dreams. Laurieston is my kind of place. The ECC are my kind of people.

What did I find?

Open, genuine, authentic, subject-subject, relationships between good, honest men.

A good old fashioned socialist co-operative providing the sustenance and structure to our activities.

An enchanted sacred space.

Fun. Playfulness. Dressing up. Make-up. Naked wrestling. Fresh air.

Wise and caring facilitators. Chakra cleansing. Healthy scepticism. Affirmation in bucket loads. Thoughtful reflection about my predicaments and how I was dealing with them.

Onion skins of security provided by the community, the base groups, and the intimacy ritual groups.

Qigong seven pearls yoga every morning before breakfast

Mind blowing exercises exploring erotic love and its potential to provide a vehicle for spiritual enlightenment. (Really!)

A new take on bondage and spanking!

What did I learn?

I had developed a pattern of not letting people see the real me because I believed that it was a source of power to be the only one who knew my vulnerabilities. Letting go of this attitude and exposing my vulnerabilities is the route to authenticity and true intimacy.

I needed to stop my mental masturbation and remember that:

Action moves the doubt the theory cannot prove.

I needed to stop thinking I could predict what people would do or say in response to my honesty.

I’m essentially an OK person with an unrequited libido.

What happened next?

It’s just one week down the line and I’m still processing and assimilating it all. My man has been swept off his feet by the energy of it all. The spare room is now our temple of erotic love and we’re working on curing his illness through sexual healing. It’s turning out to be lots of fun.

So thank you Sunfire for bringing your wisdom to these shores. Thank-you Shokti and Vyvyan for inviting him and organising the week. Thank-you to the gang of guys who were brave enough to have a go and especially my base group and the boys in my ritual group.

You changed my life!

The Spiritual Healing of Erotic Love

Last month GaySocrates went on his first ever Edward Carpenter Gay Men’s Weeks at Laurieston Hall.

It was a so-called ‘structured week’ which meant that in addition to the free and easy access to this amazing enchanted space, there was also a full programme of facilitated sessions allowing for an in depth exploration of a given theme. So there was seven days worth of walking in unspoilt Dumfries woodland, swimming in the pure water loch, body painting, dancing, naked wrestling, late night saunas. And weaving these activities together was our theme ‘The Dance Between Power and Intimacy’

Many of our facilitated sessions were led by Sunfire- the resident spiritual healer at Easton Mountain Sanctuary in the USA- and were based on the ‘Body Electric’ workshops run there. Through a series of guided techniques we grew in confidence with each other. We were able to hold each other as we explored our issues with spiritual enlightenment. We began to see how our preoccupations with power and proscribed eroticism interfere with a fulfilling life experience.

Within days, a disparate group of gay thirty- to sixty-somethings had become a spiritually connected, respectful, erotically intimate tribe of lovers; open to each other emotionally, physically and sexually. I learned for the first time how a group of gay men could be capable of deep intimate, brotherly affection for each other. And I was struck by the relative paucity of this kind of love in the outside world. I asked myself ‘What gets in the way of this kind of love spontaneously erupting in our everyday communities?’

The answer, I fear, is that we have lost our connection to Spirit. Throughout the generations, organised religion has persecuted the LGBT members of their congregations to the extent that most queer folk now have abandoned hope of ever finding a spiritual home for themselves. Starved of spiritual sustenance we have also been deprived of the wisdom of those who would have been our tribal elders. These men were taken from us unceremoniously by the AIDS scourge of the 1980s.

The Australian Aborigine tribes also lost their connection to Spirit. Their elders were slaughtered and their ancient connection to the earth was disrupted by relocation to remote settlements where they learned the sensual pleasures arising from alcohol intoxication, which they then passed to their children and their children’s children.

I see parallels with our own LGBT tribe. We need to rediscover our ancient connection to intimate erotic love through a rediscovery of our spiritual selves. We need to stop our mindless preoccupation with empty, meaningless sex of the ‘bad gay porn’ variety. This leads only to the appalling state of affairs where our elders unthinkingly infect our youth with chronic incurable illnesses for the sake of a moment of bareback pleasure.

It’s time to get radical. Rediscover and sustain your erotic spiritual selves and begin the spiritual healing required to save our tribe from obliteration!

Check out my blog: http://gaysocrates.blogspot.com

Email me at gaysocrates@gmail.com