Faerie friends please don’t Hisssssssss…….after this!
It will only mess with my approval-seeking issues
And it just might serve to skew my words away from the authentic voice of my heart
Big Heart Circles make my chest thump with fear
How will I speak with honesty?
Will I be heard with love?
My mind goes blank and drivel comes out of my mouth
It’s so easy to make a weird first impression
Maybe I’ve already pissed off those who find approval seekers tiresome!
I am learning that the potential for intimacy to grow in my world
Comes from honestly and bravely owning up to my vulnerabilities
So here I am! Stripped naked before you all! A crowd of loving strangers!
What is my truth?
What do I seek to become every moment?
Where am I coming from and where am I going? I’ll tell you:
I want to cultivate a sacred sexual and emotional intimacy with the people in my life
And to recognize the sterility and emptiness of a life surrounded by others ignorant of my true self
I want to find ways to have a helpful influence
But I’ll shy away from Earthly Power
I want to keep my energies in balance
And remain present to the healthiness of my beautiful body
In a kind and caring way, I am discovering and dismantling sources of homophobic and transphobic shame which, in the past, have stifled the choices I’ve made and I hope my new-found sense of shamelessness is not seen as selfish and antisocial
But instead helps others to follow my example
I have discovered that for most of my life I have been carrying a barely conscious sense that I had an entitlement to being loved, an entitlement to being engaged with, an entitlement to having people assist me and an entitlement to being approved of!
I’m not entitled to any of these things from anyone but myself
I’m trying to de-commission my ego but I want to become more tolerant of my little shrunken ego and much more tolerant of the big fat egos of others
I want to give big free dollops of love generously from my heart-just for the sake of it!
When the shadow in this community, and out there in the wider world, becomes manifest …..
I want to be able to recognize it as a part of who I am
It will be something I dislike about myself which I am trying to move away from or
It will be something I haven’t quite acknowledged in my own nature projected onto others
I’m on a quest for Joy and making lots of friends but in a binary world it is easy to make enemies- both real and imaginary…….
So-if I upset you it will not be intentional-
and so I ask you now- do not look angry or smile and bitch about me to yourself or someone else
Please please talk to me about it.
Otherwise I won’t be aware of my mistake or I’ll have to assume I’m just imagining it!
