1 If only I knew then what I know now!

I'm lounging around on my sofa-bed in my tiny little apartment in Madrid. Just arrived yesterday and settling into a six-day-very-long-weekend break. There are a number of reasons why I'm out here in a cheap studio apartment in the centre of Madrid's gay area (it's called Chueka) the main one being that I just needed to get away from everyone and everything in my life back in Brighton. You might think "Gay man living in Brighton -the UK's Gay Mecca -what on earth could there be to get away from? Hmm! There are times when you can just get too much of something and so it just makes sense to withdraw. The reason I gave for public consumption was that, since I'm currently learning Spanish, I need to get away on my own to somewhere Spanish speaking and get some practice at the conversational side of things. Sounds reasonable enough I thought. And of course there are elements of truth in there but frankly I'm not in the mood for having a conversation with anyone anywhere in any language right now! I just want to slob around and do nothing for a few days. Well- not nothing exactly!

I really just want space to think and re-create myself I suppose. Writing this is my first faltering step towards that goal.

So who am I? What am I doing writing about my life and my experiences? I'm reminded of that line in Baz Luhrman's  'Wear Sunscreen' monologue about being careful about dispensing advice. It went something like '...advice is a form of nostalgia-you take bits from the past, dust them off, and try to sell them for much more than they're worth!'

My intention is not to advise but to expose myself to scrutiny in as honest a way as I'm able in the hope that an older gay man might be more than a caricature featuring on a Brighton postcard. More than a Catherine Tate closeted 'How very dare you' type or one of the lisping 'Suit you sir' mens outfitters or one of the sibilant ever smiling Four Puffs and a Piano on the Jonathon Ross Show. Is it possible to exist culturally as a gay man without being submerged and drowned in the morass of stereotypes which abound in our dumbed down UK media?

OK enough of the ranting -time to get a move on. It's already 2 pm and I need to get going. Haven't even thought about what I'm going to do with my time here so need to get my travel guide out and do some planning. Oh yes and there's a bit of Spanish grammar to catch up on too!

But what about a bit of what I'm talking about?

I'm now approaching the age of 50 and with retirement being a tangible prospect in just 5 years I'm feeling a second career coming on. Most people I know who have retired simply rapidly return to work again on a part-time basis doing the same old stuff until they either peg it or they get too old and infirm to carry on. Hence the Spanish lessons. At least it's a move away from what would seem an inevitable draw back to the familiar. I'm figuring that if I'm able to have a reasonable stab at communicating in Spanish, it opens up an entire Spanish speaking world for me to explore in my dotage. So here is my first bit of advice for what it's worth. Don't bother learning French-it's a tradition in the UK that's long past it's sell by date. Learn a language that you might stand a chance of using at some stage in your life!